the barkada outing

today is the scheduled barkada outing at club manila east. i didn't confirm nor declined.

i wanted to join them but i was, again, too scared to have close encounters with them. alam ko na matatanong ako about CCF stuff which i have been trying to avoid for the longest time.

aside from that, alam ko na HE told HER that i have not been joining barkada events anymore. HE told HER that when HE was asked if we still communicate or talk. we still do but not the way we used to which was everyday. HE removed me from HIS ym list because of HER and in return I removed HIM too. lately, we see each other almost every or every other week to catch up and just to HUG. isn't that weird?

going back, from the day that SHE found out about US she made it very clear to HIM that HE will NEVER EVER talk to me EVER again. and every now and then, SHE would catch HIM still communicating with me. and it has been like this for more than a year now.

and with that in mind, i NEVER joined any of the barkada gimiks anymore even if HE asked me to. besides, i felt that the invitation from HIM was half hearted which he admitted in the past.

i am marking my 6th day of NO COMMUNICATION with HIM. i was sort of expecting to hear from HIM regarding the barkada outing but i never did.

oh well, the counting goes on. i am out of here.

i can do this...

it's been almost a week now that i haven't heard from him. i just left him a reply when i last replied to his email, that was a sunday.

the barkada outing will be this saturday. i don't have any intentions naman talaga of joining. aside from the fact na evasive ako with the rest of the group, i guess ayaw ko din sumama just to avoid any conflict between him and his wife. alam naman natin na going out in with him even if kasama barkada is a big no-no. lalo na with all the pictures to prove and the fact na it feels awkward lang din siguro keeping a distance from him.

i am thinking of not initiating any means of communications with him and i don't have any intentions of replying to any of his emails or text messages. para matapos na talaga ang kwento ng buhay namin.

disclaimer, that is not what i want but i know i have to. tutal naman we don't get to talk na palagi so why even bother thinking na he still cares. he doesn't.

he chose to marry her last year. she married him despite my being around. she left. he came to me. i stayed.stayed longer. he left me. but only for a while. so we stayed.

when we hug, it's so tight that it gives you that feeling of something deeper. a hug so tight you feel it deep in your heart. and it's just isn't me.

i know i can do this. i can turn away from him. if i was a real and good friend, i will. why? because a good friend wants what's right and the best for his friend.

as for me, i will be alone and away but i can love you here in my heart.

i am finally back!

weeeheeee! i am finally back into blogging! and it feels good to be back!

i missed that feeling of writing without being identified. hehe. the excitement that someone out there somewhere having the exact same feelings and thoughts i have. or someone who would totally agree with what i have to say. and just that total freedom of everyone expressing anything - the whole caboodle and enchiladas - without being identified. hehehe.

it's me having that feeling of not knowing my readers and them not knowing me. it's just a complete exchange of thoughts, feelings and opinions.

and it feels sooooooooooooo good! high! ecstatic to be finally back to expressing freely! no qualms, no hesitations and no fears. just pure and honest thoughts and feelings.

THE WHOLE CABOODLES AND ENCHILADAS.

YEEEEEEHAAAAAH!